Warning: The images you are about to see are graphic and fucking awesome. Buckle up, Imma show you my innards.
So where were we? Oh yes, hobo IUD was squatting in my peritoneal cavity (stole that lingo from my chart, yo). This is the follow up to the surgery to evict him.
First thing, 1:30pm surgeries are BULLSHIT. I couldn’t eat or drink from midnight the night before. 6am surgery would have been nothing. Fuck, 11am would have been welcome but 1:30 was brutal. I hada killer headache and I was bitchy as hell. Also? NO ONE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO EAT IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR PREOP!!!!! Anyways, because I’m a BAMF, I went to work in the morning. Then I could nurse Oliver right before we left for the hospital and we had built in childcare in the daycares. I had to go to big WakeMed in the case they would need some imagining equipment if they couldn’t find it right off the bat. I had a great experience with the staff there in Day Surgery. I was processed quickly and taken care of. The nurses and techs were good about listening to me and got me in to talk to the anesthesiologist about meds and breastfeeding. Luckily he also had an 8 month old at home and had a great bedside manner. They gave me some tylenol and Celebrex before we started to preemptively help with inflammation. The drug doc also said they would mix me a nice cocktail to combat nausea after. While he was talking to me, he got a call that my Dr. was running 45 minutes late. OH THE RAGE. But really when she got there, it was only like 1:45 so I’m not sure who was giving them that time.
I was rolled back to the ER and then I don’t remember much at all. I crawled to the table and was out. Gotta say, for being a mom of an infant, a medically induced nap ain’t such a bad thing :). I awoke a little before 3:30 in recovery. I had been there for a bit, so piecing it together, I think it was not even 30 min procedure. They only had to cut 2 holes. One in my belly button and one at my right hip. Both sealed with Dermabond and no stitches. Pretty tiny. The belly button on just looks like another fold in there. You would never know.
I honestly didn’t have much pain. I just felt weird. Like right after giving birth and your middle parts are all settling. Same thing except obviously my abs are better. The inscisions were slightly tender but nothing to really complain about. The most “pain” I have had was where I overcompensated with my body laying or sitting on one side. I stayed on Motrin around the clock like I was told. I have no idea if that was making a huge difference or not. I honestly used the hydracodone to just knock myself out at night. I knew I didn’t want to be waking up listening to Ollie and not being about to do anything, so DRUG SLEEP. I would nerves rate my pain level over a 3. Win. By Saturday, I was off meds completely.
But as the actual surgery was pretty boring, the awesome pictures were not. With that, it’s time for Mannlymama’s guide to your female reproductive organs IN TECHNICOLOR!!
First up, let’s get a little basic anatomy out of the way. The camera was in my belly button…for reference.
DID YOU KNOW OVARIES ARE WHITE?! I didn’t either. Crazy. Like eggs in there. Neat. Another fun fact, the tendons/veins you see there holding the ute in place actually are spiraled in architecture. That is so they expand and contract when a giant baby is in the little cute ball. THE HUMAN BODY IS AWESOME.
Next we have the hobo’s whereabouts.
Then we have where this sucker started the trouble.
It is completely healed up. Just a little spot. Nice!
So first off, you’re welcome. I know not many people get to see what innards look like. But seriously, it is kind of nice to get something good out of this. A friend pointed out, “well at least you get to see everything is healthy and nice in there!”. She’s right. I got to marvel in the wonder of the female body. That little pink ball held my babies! My big ole babies!
If you googled about your missing IUD and got here, I hope this helps make it a little easier. I know I got aggravated that everything was OMG and WORST CASE SCENARIO and no one practially talked about it. My only regret is I didn’t ask them to record it. I am totally serious. I think an underlying current of my blogging “style” is to make hard things easier. PPD, sleep regression, breastfeeding, etc. It isn’t all scare tactics and 20/20 specials. Life is better than the shitty things that happen to us.