Boobs. I asked Twitter what to write about…and they gave me fun bags. So boobies you shall get!
First off, anytime I think of boobs being funny, I think of The Animated Woman. Ever seen that post? Go now. I myself had a similar journey. I can’t draw funny pictures…so I submit to you photos of me from the archives. Welcome to my boob story.
I was flat as a pancake as a tiny teen. I remember doing my mom’s laundry and saying “SWEET JESUS HOW MANY TISSUES COULD ONE STUFF IN HERE!” (Hi mom!) She told me my day would come and she would laugh her ass off. I told her I couldn’t hear her over the echo from her bra. Well I made it through high school with a respectable pair of knockers. Nothing to rest my chin on but not an ironing board either. I don’t recall them being a major part of my life…just there.
Then came college…and a few more pounds…and a few lower cut shirts..and I nailed myself a mann with the ole mammaries. (Hi Honey!) O those girls were well loved. Fancy bras and bikinis were the name of the game.
Brown chicken brown cow, INDEED. The married life brought plenty of high times for the hooters. They were rockin it newlywed style. They spent many days tanning at the river and being bound down by running bras. Little did they know what they were in for.
Then I had that baby and the tig o bitties fed him. The bajunas got infections and I outfitted the twin peaks with plastic horns for 12 months. I kept feeding said spawn num nums for 15 months and then? Well the mounds of fun delated. They are now back to high school size with a lot less perk. Next stop, wonderbra….
P.S. Check out Landon and Jack in this week’s Mommy Shorts caption contest!! The Mann clan in their finest form.