4 Ways to Finding Your Mommy Soul Mate
Or at least some mommy friends. Over the years, I’ve had a lot of questions via Twitter and e-mail about how to find new mom friends. How to start a conversation at the park, how to get people to not think you are crazy and how to find that parent (and kid) that you can just relax around. Basically how to date again…but this time you are trying to find new friends in a new landscape.
I realize I have gotten lucky with this but it didn’t happen over night. I got married young and had Landon relatively young. My college friends all went to grad school. I didn’t. So when I got pregnant, none of my friends were any where near that point. I was kind of lost. I didn’t have someone to whine with about sore legs or talk about nursery decorations. I knew I needed to remedy this and this is when my “mommy dating” began. I signed up for a series of classes at my workplace for pregnant ladies and their partners. We learned about newborn basics, breastfeeding, first aid etc. I started eyeballing people in there. “She looks like she is nice” “Oh she said something snarky…I like her” And the glory here was they worked at the same place so I could stalk them even better. I could even e-mail them! It ended up that a few of them ended up being in our daycare class too. So I “knew” someone. It was a relief.
Over the years, I have acquired AWESOME mommy friends. Ones I know I could call at 3am and wouldn’t bat an eye. Ones that are always up for a playdate at the park last minute. Ones that I have lunch with SANS kids. And as a working mom, I wanted to share with you some of the ways I have assembled my entourage:
- Look at Daycare: I took photos at daycare for a project for the teachers. To do so, I had to interact with the other moms and dads via email and in the class. If they liked my work, they seemed to want to chat…and I was happy to oblige. The ones I clicked with, we made playdates. We know if our kids click already through the daycare setting…next is to see if you do as parents. This is how I met Landon’s best friend’s mom, Cara. 6 years going and they’ve had sleep overs and we’ve had double dates. They don’t even go to school together anymore but we still make time for them to see each other….and us too!
- Workplace Connections: At work I volunteered for a working mom support group panel to talk to preggos about coming back to work. I met a girl who wanted to know more about my writing and more about my specific journey. I took her to lunch one day to calm her fears and even went out again once she came back to work to let her vent. We became great friends and even were pregnant with our seconds together. Her daughter was then born 2 weeks before Ollie. The older boys are great together too :). So maybe look for opportunities to talk with other moms at work. Reach out to a new mom looking for guidance and get to know each other that way.
- Find a Common Goal: I volunteered for a beginning running club. I just did a run once a week but I got to see those women make tons of friends. They would get together to run together on the off days. Carpool for weekly runs. Etc. It was a great way to meet motivated women of all ages. Also? Best cheerleading possible for a common goal. If you don’t do running, look for a volunteer group for community service. Volunteer to help run something at daycare like a festival or teacher appreciation project. People will HAVE to talk to you. If you click, bingo!
- The Interwebs: I know a lot of people who still keep up with their friends from Baby Centerboards or from The Nest/The Bump. There are also local mom groups in many cities and towns if you just look. I met most of my mom friends through Twitter. Simple as that. We would chat back and forth online and then one would say, “Hey let’s have lunch.” Worst they can say is no. Playdates are the easiest. You could have been going to the same park any way. No harm, no foul!
- Be Open to Blind “Dates”: This one has come with practice over the years but after getting more comfortable in my mommy shell, I’ve been approached by people for various things. They want to help volunteer somewhere I do. They need help with a website. They are new to town and just need some advice. I usually find a date on the calendar and go for lunch. I’ve had running dates.
I am not leaving you out either. You have the potential to meet other dads too. The methods above work just as well for you. I am seeing more and more dads at parks and chatting it up at swings. K has swapped digits with a fellow dad. Kids are ice breakers. We are on the cusp of possible boys scouts and more kid sports. I am not saying this is only dad territory but I do think it is somewhere that may be more comfortable chatting up another dude.
These are just a few ideas. Not going to say making friends is easy and I know I am outgoing but all it takes is that one push. I have never in my life had so many girlfriends and I am so happy. I feel protected and loved…and isn’t that what we all want?
I wrote this post years ago for another site, this is an updated version…
3 thoughts on “4 Ways to Finding Your Mommy Soul Mate”
All this is wonderful advice . . . one of the things that kind-of gets lost between childhood & adulthood is “making friends.” Right now, my kids will head to a park and, suddenly, they’re playing intricate, imaginative games with random kids, having the times of their life (though, if you ask my kids the names with whom they’re playing, they’ll respond “I don’t know”), and it’s all awkward to do the same when you’re a grown-up.
School functions are big — especially the parents of those with whom my kids seem to really get along. Any type of community organization: I have a few bands, the orchestra, time at the gym, community theatre “stuff,” etc. On top of all of that, I’ve started taking karate with my kids — I do it, mainly because their focus tends to be a bit more, well, focused, when I’m in class with them (and I pay FAR closer attention when I’m in class with them . . . when I’m forced to sit out a class, I spend all of my time playing with my phone on the sideline), but it’s also turned into a highway of introductions (though through the kids – I, as the parent of two, would never have signed up for a martial arts class on my own). Really, if I ever find myself by myself when I don’t want to be, it’s my own damn fault – I have a plethora of people that I can contact.
Though, when you find yourself constantly in-motion, well, a little “down time” isn’t so bad 🙂
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