Don_t_let_my_shirt_fool_you_into_thinking_I_m_cheery._Stress_like_whoa.__officefashionshow__ootd__grumpycatfaceI’ve been a bad blogger. I’ve been absent here. Life is busy right now. Really really busy. I hate not having time to write. I have 27 posts in drafts. That has never happened. I just get out of the shower and enter a title and a brain dump never to return. It sucks but it is what it is. I am not beating myself up over it…too much. My only real regret is not documenting the family goings on for future reference. Every once in awhile I see a post about Landon as a baby and remember why I started doing this. Even if it gets no traffic {yes, I watch traffic..I don’t feel bad about it} and no one else cares, I do. So I am going to try and be better about doing a monthly update about us all.

Me & K

  • 9 months on, 9 months off – Well I didn’t need the 9 months thanks to STRESS, STOMACH BUGS and SHINGLES, I lost the weight pretty quick. Add to that, I didn’t gain as much this go round. So HOORAY.
  • I got a promotion at work. Next level up {our titles are silly so I will spare you} but it is nice to see I am appreciated…especially after a year where I was gone for 10 weeks :)
  • We finally decided on a cleaning crew. They are cleaning as I type. Just straightening up for them to come helped clear my head a little. I am hoping this is a huge boost to our life.
  • We got a new TV because ‘Merica!
  • Kevin went out for a manager position at work and we are waiting to hear about that.

My_new_favorite_place.Landon

  • Landon is thriving in preschool. He loves his friends, teachers, learning…all of it.
  • He knows how to write his first and last name. Asks us to spell other names. He even made Ollie a card that we have now hung on his wall.
  • He knows most of this letters and numbers.
  • He is in love with Word Girl and we love her too. Every night he watches an episode before bed and then he, I and Ollie do the Captain Huggy Face dance. It is one of the highlights of my day. Ollie really dances too.
  • We are now planning a Word Girl/super heroes party for his birthday. If he still loves her at Halloween, we are going to have the BEST family costume set. SOMEONE INVITE US TO A PARTY.
  • He is very 3 some days. Complete with “I’m not talking to you” and “You are making me very cross”. Then he turns around to tell you “I Love You” randomly and want to snuggle. THREENAGER!
  • He still eats really well. He is more reluctant to try new things but our only rule is he has to try it. If he doesn’t like it, that’s ok. We rarely have a outright refusal.

Ollie

  • He still only has 2 teeth and 2 huge bulges for his top front teeth. They have been swollen for months. Poor kid.
  • He went through a phase of really only wanting sweets and purees and now is back to eating everything with his hands. Thank lawdy.
  • He walrus crawls.
  • He says Mama and Dada. I don’t think he puts it to us, just his preferred sounds. He also makes motorboat noises when playing. You can hear in the video below.
  • He and Landon can now interact more including playing at the sand/water table and chasing each other. The other night they were on the deck. Ollie was watching K mow and I was watching from the kitchen. Landon was just playing and went over and said “Hey, my sweet baby.” and gave him a hug. Then walked away a few steps and went back and gave him a kiss on the head. He never knew I was watching. And now I am dead. DEAD FROM THE CUTENESS, I TELL YOU.
  • He sleeps from 7pmish to 7amish. It is glorious and I never take it for granted.
  • He is still getting about half breastmik and half formula a day. I still have a boat load in the freezer. I am forever grateful to Anna :) .

Jack

  • He still loves his baby. Oliver’s favorite toy is his hot dog. So I throw for Jack, he brings it back and Oliver gets it. Rinse and repeat. I tried to get it on film but got this instead:

So that’s us. Soon I will come back up for air and get some new stuff out but for now I trudge along. Thanks for stickin around.

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PostpartumLast week I was able to attend the Listen To Your Mother show for Raleigh/Durham put on by my good friend Keanne. It was beautiful and hearing all the women’s stories was so special. They were funny, caring, sarcastic and REAL. Motherhood isn’t all newborn snuggles and bake sales. It’s gritty and puts you up against some of the hardest decisions of your life {beyond nursery colors and to breast feed or not}. And while I truly enjoyed every performance, even the one about the potty training doll, I really latched on to the story from Ronnie Bower about her postpartum depression. I mean that isn’t really a shocking statement since I have a special place in my heart to help new moms battle such a terrible thing but her exact words slapped me in the face.

You see, that was like hearing my own voice. Really…read this. I have always been a positive, bubbly person and then to face the reality that a joyous event {birth} and just feel overwhelmed and some times just plain hate it, felt foreign and bizarre. I loved my baby but the world of sleep deprivation and hormones seemed like some ring of hell. Ring being the perfect word because you just kept going around in circles doing the same things every day. Rocking, shushing, jiggling…over and over and over. Slap on top of that the sentiments that “this is the best thing, being a mother” and “be sure to treasure these moments because they will be gone”, and the guilt pushed me further down. I made it out and lived to talk about it. Then it creeped back with Oliver but I knew the signs and got help ASAP. My new job here is to reduce the stigma and help more moms get the help they need. To make it ok for then to say they are having a hard time. A safe place, if you will.

So for all the new followers I have gotten lately, at home with your 4 month old babies who aren’t sleeping, I want you to know it’s ok if you aren’t happy right now. You aren’t a bad mom…at all. It’s ok to admit it. I know it’s hard…really really hard. To let go of the control and admit you need some help or just to say “THIS FUCKING SUCKS”. The mommy club will welcome you with fistbumps and a glass of wine because we FEEL you {oh how we feel you}. And admitting it isn’t rainbows and kittens only makes you a better mom. You might be thinking “I’m not sad. I’m not crying all the time” but that isn’t everything, you see. Postpartum depression and anxiety take tons of forms. Jill learned that with her second when her anxiety became crippling. Reading her realization she needed help is empowering and I encourage every one to take a look. Then just on Sunday, my friend Jen opened up about the same type of issues with her second and how the real education process needed is for EVERYONE to learn about it so there is less of a stigma for those new moms. I high recommend sending this to any families expecting a baby in the near future. The moms, the dads, the grandparents, siblings…ALL OF THEM need to read it. And there are tons of more stories at Postpartum Progress along with other resources to help you {really help you}. The internet is huge and filled with some crazy shit but it is also full of some of the best community you have ever seen. I’ve seen it work miracles over and over and it is there to help you if you will let it and know where to look.

If you want to talk about it, email me. I will respond as quickly as I can, I promise. You don’t have to feel alone…there is village waiting for you.

I'm Blogging for Mental Health.

I honestly was going to write about something silly today but noticed it was Mental Health Blog Day and thought I would join in. You can too.

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Mother’s Day For the Already Spoiled Mom

May 14, 2013

How was my Mother’s Day? It was perfection. I stayed in bed until 8am. This is the first year he has gotten into it. When the first box came from Think Geek, he and Kevin scurried upstairs to open it. He has held those secrets for weeks. Then they went to Target last week and [...]

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Kidlet Dinners: Random Tips

May 13, 2013

I realize there has been a large break on toddler dinners and infant dinners but I haven’t had enough to make a post really. A tip here and quick thought there. Nothing to make a real post…so instead I thought I would just word vomit all the random stuff I have been consolidating in my [...]

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You’re Not A Terrible Parent

May 8, 2013

inspired by this post.

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How I Survive Evenings

May 6, 2013

I have been writing for Liberating Working Moms along with some talented ladies for over a year now. I love it because we are all from different scenarios and can shine light on a variety of issues. But with that said, sometimes I feel like I have talked about it all. Money, working out, recipes, [...]

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Mommy and Me

May 1, 2013

We had plans to do family photos since February but 2013 is an asshole and caused us and Laura to have to play phone tag on this for months. Sick kids, surgery (both got sweet belly button scars) and just general crap have kept us apart. So we finally got it on the books. Everything [...]

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Oliver: 9 Months

April 29, 2013

9 months! HOLY COW. I have to say, 6-9 months is my favorite baby age. I thought this with Landon and echo with Oliver. Interactive, happy, fun and CAN’T GET FAR! He is happy 98% of the time. He has the most radiant smile ever. He can make every daycare teacher light up the minute [...]

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Soundtrack Friday!

April 26, 2013

Every Friday morning, I am the first to work. I crank up my computer and blast some tunes. Happy things…cuz it’s Friday! Well this morning, I tossed out the question “Name a song to make you smile today and I will compile into a kickass playlist for the masses.” I got a lot of answers! [...]

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Jack Jack and His Baby

April 24, 2013

Jack has always been indifferent to these kids. He hasn’t been aggressive with them but he also hasn’t been super protective or anything of them. He likes to put on a big show of “I’m the big dog here” but he knows where he falls. But he is letting his facade slip a little. He [...]

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