Grinds My Gears


Whoever told my child that “jeans will fall off”.

I think this happened at preschool when someone’s pants were too big. Now he refuses jeans because they will fall off. UGH.

People complaining about all they have to do for the holidays when they are the one putting it on themselves.

Not all kids need gingerbread houses, handmade paper garlands, and homemade cookies. How about go to the bakery and let them pick something they want. Eat it in the van while you look at Christmas lights and watch Elf after nap. Stop trying to make ALL THE TRADITIONS. It’s only a happy memory if you aren’t stressed to the gills. This is a problem with the world of Facebook humblebrags and Pinterest. Learn to scale back people, or you are going to be in tears on what is supposed to be an awesome day. I could keep ranting. Look out for a whole post coming.

Websites created solely to rip off content from people.

Currently some piece of shit site called Little White Lion is taking the Inappropriate Elf content from Baby Rabies. I keep seeing people sharing that blog’s content and it pisses me off. Be original, dick bags. But this isn’t the first of this. “Websites” steal bloggers content constantly. It’s happened to all of us. It’s infuriating. I want a gaggle of middle school English teachers to start slapping people with rulers over plagiarism. That’ll fix it. Yup.

Pink eye.


For fuck’s sake. It had made it through the house with Kevin getting the worst. One night we had to make an arrangement that the one with the less crusty eyes had to tend to the kid that calls out. That’s some depths of married/parenting life, right there.


Or basically any “trend” on Facebook. The worst. It’s like your mom using slang words.


Little known fact: I believe Pandas are the worst. Ever read up on them beyond panda cam? They are dumb animals. We get really excited when a panda is born in captivity because it is like pulling teeth for them to procreate. THIS IS CALLED EVOLUTION PEOPLE. Now you may be saying “well captivity is horrible. Can you blame them?” and to that I say “you are correct”. Keep reading though. Indigenous pandas live is treacherous terrain and often die trying to get to a specific type of bamboo that is known to grown in high places. SO yeah….evolution is TRYING to get rid of them. “Imma put your food WAAAAAY over here. Now adapt”. But they don’t. They keep trying and die. But we love them because they look adorable. Stupid stupid adorable.

Now back to your regularly scheduled not Christmas cheer.

16 thoughts on “Grinds My Gears

  • December 12, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Pure hilarity and awesomeness! Love your newsletters! Keep it coming!!

  • December 12, 2013 at 11:53 am

    OMG. I thought I was the only one who believed that pandas had truly lost the will to survive as a species. I read somewhere that they only ovulate once a year. I mean, COME ON! If that’s not waving the evolutionary white flag of surrender then I don’t know what is.

    • December 12, 2013 at 12:12 pm

      yes. yes you can. you can use all your words.

  • December 12, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    Ugh, that sucks about the pinkeye. It was going around E’s class and I couldn’t make her wash her hands enough that week.

    How have I missed #InappropriateElf? Just made my day better.

  • December 12, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    Introduce Lando to belts or slap on some suspenders.
    Mega high-five to you for the Holiday stress rant. CTFD, people. Less is more.
    Plagiarism fucking sucks yo.
    Pink eye fucking sucks too. But better than family vomit-fest. Amiright?
    I googled bitstrips after reading this… Had no fucking clue what they were called. You teach me something new on the daily.
    Pandas? Really? I can’t get behind that but I can say as far as animal hatred goes… Crows. Fucking hate them. They look evil, their sound is more obnoxious than toddler whining and they eat dead animals decomposing in the street! Gross. Just gross.
    Thanks for making me laugh today! I luff your ranty posts!

  • December 12, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    My kid won’t wear anything but “soft pants” and for the love of all things holy we can’t figure it out but it is maddening and going on winter #2. FML.

    I don’t even know what bitstrips are and I don’t want to.

    And yes the humblebrags about busy blow…

  • December 12, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    Yay. You forgot to mention that squirrely little creature called Elf on a Shelf. Or whatever you named yours this year. He’s never coming into our home because I am too darn lazy to make up “fun” things for him to do each year. Sorry, child of mine, you will get to move an ornament to the day of the week on your advent calendar just like I did. I know, I just ruined your life. Oh well.

    • December 12, 2013 at 3:26 pm

      To be fair, we have an elf. Your comment proves my point. No one ever said the elf had to do wacky things. Ours just moves. The boy believes the elf has authority and enjoys looking for her. That’s it. It isn’t a hugs pain to move. Just this shelf, on top of TV, over by the tree, etc. easy. He has been great since her presence. Worth it

  • December 12, 2013 at 11:08 pm

    I wish I could burn Bitstrips. But I just got a new computer so that’s a no-go. Maybe I’ll print them out just so I can burn them…

  • December 16, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    I love #2. I mean your #2, not… Oh forget it. Yes, people stress themselves out too much at the holidays. I had a friend complaining about all her holiday stress on FB today and all I could do was laugh. Hope your pink eye turns back white soon. Great to find your blog! 🙂

  • December 27, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    i love you. merely for this statement…’This is a problem with the world of Facebook humblebrags and Pinterest’


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