Welcome to Part 2 of my talk on PPD. You can see the first part here. Thanks for all the kind words. Means a lot.
So now you have the backstory. I am back to my chipper, energetic self…with a toddler. So I guess it is curbed some :). I have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. I am on the other side…and it rocks.
I can now say I am a toddler mom. I love it. Yeah potty training is killing my back and the tantrums over stickers make me want to punch a kitten but he can be reasoned with. He can tell me something hurts. He can say ‘I love you’ and ‘I sorry mama’. All the things you long for with an infant. What you howl into the night when they won’t.stop.crying. I have come to terms with not being an infant person. Yes I love my offspring and I want to sniff newborn goodness but it is hard. Harder than anyone could have explained to me. No book. No blog. No family member. Ya gotta live through it. That is what my stubborn ass needed. I am too independent to not learn it on my own.
I reread one of my breastfeeding posts recently and remembered my mantra that first week was “I can do anything for 20 minutes”. Well now I know I can do anything for one night, 1 week, 1 month, etc. Everything really IS a phase. They will sleep. They won’t get ruined by swing naps. They will eat when they are hungry…and sometimes that will be constantly. But nothing is forever. This knowledge of being a mom, and more importantly of myself, is my first gadget in my tool belt against PPD this go round. I have to survive the first few months by any means necessary. You probably won’t see crazy toddler dinners in those months…so sorry in advance.
Next up, I have support. Now I had support before but I didn’t know how much and now I have even more. I have a rockstar doctor (who I plan on talking with prior to birth). A husband who knows the signs. A family willing to drop whatever to help. And new, mommy friends who know the ropes. I have already been told by many friends to put them on the call list. Call to vent at 3am if needed. Call for smoothies. Call for lunch dates. Call for baby holding. Anything to help…and I know they mean it. I am lucky. So lucky to have this group of mamas I have met. They have been there with the sweet newborn snuggles and the psych ward and all are awesome moms. Moms that I can say “this baby is being an asshole” to and they won’t judge me. They will bring me wine. And I love every single one of them.
I then have the support of my local community. I know the support groups, the hospitals and where to drive continously without stopping for car naps (answer: airport). I know where I can take a screaming baby and no one will care.
Then? I have Twitter (where I met so many of these amazing friends). Some are probably reading and laughing at me but that little free account would have helped me so much. Friends at 4am? Check. Funny pictures of squirrels mid nursing? Check. Moms to vent to and be validated and get reasonable advice? CHECK. Oh me and my iPhone will be closer then ever.
So to put it all together: I know myself better. I know when to say when. I know I am not alone. I know…it gets better. And that, I think is a large part of my battle ahead…the unknown isn’t there anymore. There will be bumps along the way and a caravan people to pick me up if I need it.
I am going to be ok.
Note: If you are feeling like something isn’t right after (or even before) baby, I am here. Please feel free to contact me, Twitter or Facebook. One thing I have learned in the 2.5 years since having Landon is there is a whole world here to help you. I am actively working on sprucing up my “it takes a village” page with more resources. Know you are not alone.
*Special thanks to Mandy Powers for the amazeballs pictures that I use all over the place 🙂