I’m A Toddler Mom: A Guest Post by the Other Brandee

When Brandy asked for guest posts to help her get through after the transient hobo IUD is evicted from her pelvic region, I immediately offered. The lady has a rogue piece of metal punted into her pelvis via her super strong uterus (probably not medically accurate), so even if I wasn’t inclined to do ANYTHING BwY asks (and I am, I so totally am), I would do it for my safety. She’s a tough lady 😉

In all seriousness though, I am happy to oblige so she can get the much needed rest to heal up nice and quick, so all her readers can get back to the regularly scheduled snarky education she’s got going on here. However, until then you’re stuck with me and my ranting but without useful education. You’re welcome, or I’m sorry, whichever.

For those of you who don’t know me, I am the mama to one feisty little will-be-3-in-a-few-days year old, and am currently trying (well failing) to create small human part deux. It is taking way more time than reasonable, which is a whole other topic. When I discuss this with people (all ute talk on the internet, all the time) I am often asked why we waited so long to try for #2, when #1 took 14 months to conceive, and we certainly aren’t getting any younger.

The quick answer, other than the “shut the fuck up” is this: I don’t really like infants.

There, I said it. I’ve confessed. It’s true, and I know Brandy feels quite the same way I do.

It’s not that I don’t LIKE them per se. I mean, I like other people’s infants just fine. They coo, and are squishy and smell like newborn diapers. They are helpless and confused, and they need you to both protect and enlighten them but, after about 20 minutes of that, they are kind of just succubus lumps who take take take and almost never give.

Ya, I just said it.

Perhaps it will be different with my second child, but I only have the current one to go off of. She was not an easy baby. Until 7 months old, she didn’t sleep more than 2 hours max at a time, and didn’t nap unless I was moving her. We finally resorted to letting her cry some, and things improved, but those first months are clouded by nothing but a c-section wound and rampant sleep deprived insanity.

I have claimed we are in the 1 and done category probably a million times (thanks for listening to THAT uterus, ugh) but as Everly has grown, I’ve grown as a mother. And I’ve realized something – it’s ok not to be great with the infants because that stage is so fleeting and then? You’ve got a toddler on your hands.

And I love me some toddlers.

Sure there are struggles and frustrations. They tantrum, they don’t listen, they act like jerks. They make their own choices and vocalize their displeasures. Sometimes they act like possessed drunken midgets. All of that is true, but they are also so self-sufficient and fun.

They use the potty, can get their own drinks, they tell you that they had their eye on the purple cup and not the blue one instead of just screaming. You can put them down and they don’t topple over into a grease pile in the parking lot (shut up, you’ve done it too), you can converse with them, you can talk things over, you can bribe reward them. And for the most part, they are hilarious.

It’s just a whole new world; a wonderfully infuriating one, but a good one. There is some reciprocity. They love you back, they have pride in themselves for accomplishing things, and they begin to understand choice and consequence.

Motherhood isn’t easy at any stage I don’t think, but infancy and early babydom? Those were the hardest for me. Once we approached toddlerhood, we both fell into our rhythm. Maybe it was timing, maybe it was my articulate child, or maybe just maybe, I’m a toddler mom.

What kind of mom are you?

Mommy and Everly

Toddler Moms Unite!

7 Comments

  1. If you like toddlerhood, you are going to freaking love Big Kid land. It is awesome here. They tell amazing stories about their days, they like to go on huge adventures, you tell them to go to their rooms when they’re assholes and they do it. I am not an infant person either, but it seems like being a parent has become sweeter and sweeter each year.

    Someone told my husband when our boys were babies that babies are like 99% work and 1% reward, then each year you get a little more reward for the work. That’s held up for us.

    • That seems like a good rule.

      I have blog posts and things where I keep saying “OMG 5 months is the best age!” then “wow, 9 months? BEST AGE!” and every time I turn around, it’s the same.

      People whine that toddlers are tough because they challenge you with their independence and asshattery but, I’d rather be dealing with a person than trying to troubleshoot a screaming lump. People used to WARN me I didn’t want to rush Everly’s walking. Eff that shit. Walk, self care, sort your own shit out!

  2. I also love the toddler phase. My toddler will bring me my cell phone and the TV remote on command and without complaint (unlike my husband).

  3. Hah. This made me laugh so hard because I am totally with you. I mean, I love infants until they keep me up all night and are totally incapable of communicating and I (oddly) would love to have a third small one (probably not going to) but I also cannot wait to be done with the infant stage. So weird. Toddlers (or preschoolers, as I am corrected) are so cool. They can talk to you and they are totally logical even if they don’t have all the information and are therefore often wrong and that is so much fun!

  4. Totally a toddler mom!!! My oldest is now 4 aka a combo of annoying and awesome and my son is 14 months. He is much more of a handful but do much more tolerable than three months ago…

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