Boy Mom

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If there is one thing I strive for in parenting is to be gender neutral. Freshman year in college I took a sociology class in gender studies. It wasn’t an easy class. I read more in that class than any other in my 4 years. It opened my young eyes to the world of gender bias. How the “system” is set up. One essay was based on us going to a toy store. Holy shit. The marketing. It’s a travesty but I digress.

Having boys I knew I didn’t want to tell them no to anything deemed “girly”. We don’t refer to things are for boys or girls…ever. Landon loves My Little Pony and the color purple. He also loves monster trucks and everything Cars. No fucks given.

With all that being said, there are differences in gender. People denying that are joking themselves. These boys? All about wrestling and being rough. Butting heads. Throwing things. It’s uncanny. I often start to use the hashtag #boymom to describe such things but stop because some girls can be just as rough (not the average from my POV). I don’t want to pigeon hole girl moms into tea parties and pink just as much as I don’t want it assumed my boys will play football and only play with trains.

But when it’s 11pm and you are holding your son’s ::ahem:: man parts to aim to pee in his sleepy daze, you, my friend, are a boy mom.

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10 Comments

  1. I’m big into gender neutral approaches to parenting, too, which is going to present interesting challenges and stuff next week when I become a boy mom AND a girl mom. Which, like, when the fuck did that happen? This has been the longest and shortest pregnancy ever.

    ANYWAY. What I was going to say.

    One thing I really love about parenting a child who is in the preschool age range is how gender doesn’t quite click to them. Right now, Archer often talks about how there are things that he likes to do/eat/be/whatever when he’s a boy… but then, when he’s a girl, he loves to eat mangoes. For him, the boy/girl difference is a divide that he currently straddles. It defines different parts of his personality along with his personal preferences.

    Little kids, man. Fascinating creatures.

  2. I think it’s awesome that Landon is into My Little Pony. My friend’s husband, yeah, that would not fly. He won’t even let their son play with a purple ball that was originally their daughter’s. And her dolls have to be played with in her room so he doesn’t play with them. Which is why we still have people who think that women belong in the home and that the men should pay the bills since they earn the money, like my husband’s co-worker.

    After having one of each? Emma will play dolls by herself but she’ll wrestle the shit out of her brother or cousins. Alec is 110% typical boy at this age – wrestles, bites, and stubborn as fuck.

  3. Dude. My godson who is five ADORES My Little Pony. And Eddie loves them too. He gets so excited to play with our Godson so the two of them can play ponies.

    They also wrestle like they are getting paid.

    All this is whatever…but yes, when you have to deal with man bits and telling the baby if he keeps yanking on it, it will fall off…you’re a boy mom.

  4. omg there’s no way I could ever handle boy parts. lol.

    My girls are SO girly. No matter how hard I try. Hannah leans more towards being a tom boy, but she does it while carrying a purse and heels. Like, don’t eff with Hannah- she’ll punch you- but she’ll be wearing butterfly wings when she does it 🙂

  5. I held my son’s ::ahem:: boy parts so he could pee outside behind a tree at the park the other day (for the first time) and I never felt the “boy mom” feeling more than I did that day! Also, I never went out and bought new toys for my baby girl to play with that were pink, and “pretty” and doll-like. That girl plays with giant dump trucks, cars, lizards, etc. Toys are toys. And she is one tough little cookie! I don’t know if it is a second born thing where the newbie has to keep up with their older counterpart, or if it is just her personality but sister is fearless where my son has always been careful and calculating.

    I totally understand what you mean about being gender neutral and when my son says he is a Princess I typically don’t correct him. Honestly, the kid is two and I don’t think he really even understands what a Princess is so I don’t bat an eye. I do know it bothers my husband though and I wonder if you, or any other readers, have advice on how to get the “manly men” husbands on board with this concept? Thanks!

  6. Even without trying to instill boy-values and girl-values on our kids, there are definitely parenting moments that make me feel exactly like a boy mom. Like having to clean pee from around the base of a toilet because as the only woman in the house, I am somehow the only one who notices (and can pee in the right place).

    • Ugh, my mom used to always say I needed to clean it because I was the one who couldn’t aim. Except I generally sat when I peed. It was my dad. :-/

      But now that I generally stand, I can tell you that it’s just because of the drops that ricochet back out.

  7. My son loves Dora and has no interest in Diego. He asks me to buy Dora toys. He also likes Spiderman. My husband and I don’t give a crap as long as he’s happy. He goes to daycare and he plays with all of the toys. He plays with girls and boys. I know people that won’t allow their boys to play with “girl” things. That’s insane.

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