That Time I Scared the Hell Out of My Kid

xmascard2-1I’m going to tell you a story. This story may be very polarizing in response. You may think I am the meanest/worst mom ever OR you may high five your computer screen and send me a Starbucks twitter coffee (a girl can dream).  So here goes.

December is becoming a double edged sword. Landon, in particular, has been horrible less than spectacular. For a month everyone seems to have great Elf power over their kid’s behavior. We have had the exact opposite. Lots of whining and fits about trivial things, days of screen time gone and a plethoras of ‘I HATE YOU’s. It’s just peachy.

In a recent fit over God only knows what, he was sent to his room to cool down. This cool down process starts at the other end of the spectrum of being cool by any definition. Stomping, screaming and sometimes throwing stuffed animals and the pajamas he insists on leaving on the floor. I’ve found there isn’t much for me to do at that point until he is cooled down and he can break his own shit if he is gonna throw stuff. Anyway, I walked downstairs to finish whatever I was doing and after a few minutes I realize it’s quiet. So I turn on the monitor app on my phone and look.

No Landon.

No biggie. He could be playing at his Lego table. I scan right.

No Landon.

Maybe he is standing by the door? I scan left.

No Landon.

Hmmm oh well I guess he is on the floor and I can’t see him. Whatever so I scan back to the home position.

There he is. Starring at the spinning camera. This is the textbook image of “deer in the headlights”. He just stares. Then takes to steps left.

I follow.

A few more steps, backing to the corner as he moves.

I follow.

He stops. Face drops in horror. “THERE IS SOMETHING MOVING IN MY ROOM!!!!!!!”

I run upstairs to him crying.

Landon: “Mommy, that thing was moving!”

Me: ::naively:: “What thing?”

Landon ::points to camera::

Me: “Oh! You mean Santa? Yeah he checks in sometimes to see how you are doing. You weren’t being rude were you?”

Landon: ::sad eyes:: “YES! Oh mommy I won’t do it again.”

Me: :: mental self high five::

Later I caught him showing Ollie his camera and telling him “you have to be really good Ollie because Santa is watching”. So I realize this could backfire but whatever. That was some sweet street justice.

selffive

14 thoughts on “That Time I Scared the Hell Out of My Kid

  • December 18, 2014 at 5:09 pm
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    I don’t have kids, but that shit is brilliant.

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  • December 18, 2014 at 9:11 pm
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    Oh…to have had a camera when you were little! Laughed till I choked!

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  • December 18, 2014 at 9:16 pm
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    That is the best EVER. Now I need a camera that I can get to move…..

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  • December 18, 2014 at 5:35 pm
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    Seriously sad my camera doesn’t move. But I hear you on the worst than ever thing in December. It’s like my 4 year old is calling my bluff on Santa not bringing toys.

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  • December 18, 2014 at 7:51 pm
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    I freakin love this shit!!! My 5 y/o has been the same…does not give a crap about elf any more. Brilliant mama!!!

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  • December 18, 2014 at 9:41 pm
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    I am dying!! That is awesome! Must be something about the month because my two have literally been devil spawn all month.

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  • December 18, 2014 at 11:41 pm
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    I think you just found the version of ‘elf on the shelf’ that fits your techy side!

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  • December 19, 2014 at 1:00 pm
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    I'd totally say the same thing! Love it!!

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  • December 19, 2014 at 9:46 am
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    i love it!! ::high five:: i must ask though, what camera do you have? I need a new one for the nursery…

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  • December 19, 2014 at 11:18 am
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    I’d TOTALLY have handled things the same way.

    The other night, CJ had taken a super-late, super-long nap at my mother-in-law’s. He was awake at bedtime. So we let him play with his Legos instead of going to bed. I woke at 5am to find that he had, thoroughly, cleaned his room. The power of the man in red, man, it’s something.

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  • December 22, 2014 at 7:40 am
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    Amazing! Our 5 y.o. has been the devil child lately and I’m about to snap. Who knew you could whine about so much shit? Here’s to only a few days until the big man in red comes and maybe some of the whining will die down.

    Reply
  • December 23, 2014 at 10:53 am
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    Love it. My 5-year-old (and his almost 3-year-old bro) has really been something lately, too.

    Reply

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