When you get married you have to do a good bit of blending. Styles, feelings, furniture, and so on but the biggest I think is habits. Some good, some bad. Like how I am notorious for not cleaning the lint trap or how Kevin will pace like a caged animal on the phone…for an hour. Those are pretty trivial but you get what I’m saying. You have to learn to look at each other as a couple and then you have to reflect back on yourself. How can I be the person I would want to be around?
One thing that came up when we got married is how much Kevin and his family say thank you. It seems silly that simply being polite so often was off putting but it really did take me back. “Thank you for making dinner” “Thank you for taking out the trash” “Thank you for going to the store” All things I just…did. No thanks really needed. But over the years I have realized how important it kinda is.
Recently one of my favorite new twitter follows, @DrPsychMom, wrote this article about 5 things you can do for your husband that aren’t sex (because she writes about that a lot…seriously she is awesome guys). In it she said:
“Here’s what you used to say: “Hey thanks so much for putting gas in my car! That was so sweet! Nobody was ever that sweet to me! My friends are like, wow your boyfriend is so great! And I’m like, I know! Back off bitches! Ha ha!”
Here’s what you say now: “When you got the gas in my car you left all your crap in there. Throw out your empty Starbucks cup next time. Am I the maid?”
Slight difference. Try focusing for a couple of minutes each day on what you appreciate about your husband. If you can only come up with that he doesn’t drink to excess on most weeknights and he bathes regularly, start with that. Baby steps.”
Bingo. But seriously, think about it next time. Simple things to make someone feel appreciated. The ultimate golden rule.
Over the years I have tried to do it more and not just at home. It’s still not always second nature like with the Manns but I try. I try to bring it into work, friendships and even strangers. This has extended to random compliments. Then recently I gained a new coworker who excels at that (Hi Alli!) and makes me realize how important it really is. A true compliment can make your day.
So your mission for today? Go compliment someone and tell some one genuinely thank you. I really don’t think you can regret it.
Some more awesome Dr. Psych Mom posts: