Silver Linings

So sorry for the constant Debbie Downer moments lately. While on one hand I apologize, I also realize it is ok for me to have a pity party because…well…my mind is going bananas and SHINGLES! All completely valid reasons.  Also? October kinda blows for me in general. But as I was nursing O and getting jacked up on oxytocin, I started thinking I needed to cheer the fuck up. I am usually a “silver linings” kind of gal. So let’s turn this shit storm of my life on it’s head…shall we?

We start with the big ones:

Shingles – I now have a built it stress indicator. From now on, if I get too stressed, my hip will feel funny and I will know to cut that shit out and get a massage.

Colic – It’s all downhill from here…right? But really, I think hard babies make for easier toddlers. That or we are just beat down by that point.

Anxiety/Depression – I met an awesome therapist…and we know I like to talk.

No sleep – When I do get sleep, I can do ANYTHING. I realize what I got and use my powers for good.

Low pump supply – This means I will just go and nurse him more at daycare. He is also a super fast eater so it isn’t unreasonable. right now I am needing just 1 bottle a day.

Move on to the trivial:

Baby won’t take a paci to soothe – I won’t have to worry about taking it away later or waking in the night to pop that sucker back in.

My pants don’t fit yet and I don’t have time to buy new ones – All the more incentive to eat right and get exercise when I can.

3 year old tantrums – He is learning consequence…slowly but surely.

Taking out dairy, soy and now gluten from my diet – I am shrinking and eating so much better. I am also kind of excited to see the changes it can make. Also I think I might start adding back some dairy and soy soon.

Cheers to the pity party!!!!

15 Comments

  1. Hi Brandy. I have been following your blog and twitter since before Oliver was born and I usually don’t comment on blog posts. I just have to say, I feel your pain. I am a first time SAHM with 9 week old girl who is colicky, could be Olivers twin in the sleep department and I am also off gluten free and dairy.

    • Welcome! Well I can tell you it does get better. I can also tell you I want to punch people in the face when they say that. Even seeing the other side, it sucks. I can see us coming out of the dark a little now. He is happier for longer periods. I like to think it is the changes I have made but who the hell knows! BABIES ARE SO AGGRAVATING. I needed cause and effect…and they don’t. But I think my only token I can give you that everyone else doesn’t say is “it is ok to not like this”. I think that is my main goal here…it is ok to FEEL like you do. People will say “don’t wish this time away because you will miss it” Fuck that. I don’t look back on those early days with Landon and think “I should have ‘lived it” more”. I had good reason to be upset and frazzled. It wasn’t a warm and fuzzy time for me…and THAT IS OK. It made me a better mom. Now him taking a dump in his underwear is a trivial annoyance vs HOURS of crying. I get over it a lot quicker. Would I if he wasn’t colicky? Who knows. But I just want you to know it is ok to say “this sucks”. High fives for honest moms.

  2. I just wanted to say I get how much this sucks right now and I appreciate being able to see I am not the only one dealing with it!

  3. My kid is 2.5 years old and, at least a couple nights a week, I’m up shoving a lost pacifier in his mouth. So, yeah. At least you won’t be me in a couple years.

    Uuuuuggggghhhh.

  4. I don’t think you need to apologize at all if you aren’t all sunshine and rainbows. Keeping it real helps other people more than constantly talking about how awesome everything is all the time. Adding a person to your family is hard, yo.

    Can I also get a little shout out because TWO 3 year olds with tantrums at the same time?? That was the age I was ready to give them both back. I checked though, in North Carolina you only have 30 days after birth to give them up. There were some ugly ugly nights when Jon traveled.

  5. I am so glad that you’re laying all out there even though it’s shitty times. It’s so much better though letting it loose eh?
    I can totally relate to the colic. Oh lord. Those were the worst 3 months ever. All I can do is offer you a long distance squeeze and you should be as sure as f*ck I’ll be wearing a hazmat suit and at least 3 gloves…cause I don’t like the cooties.

  6. So, I am curious why you are off gluten, soy and dairy? I might have missed this…
    And the pain thing is legit…seriously, the minute my back starts to tingle, I know I need to settle the heck down.
    Remember there is wine too!

    • Well week 2 appt had blood in his poop. That usually means food intolerance. First ones they tell you are milk and soy. So I have had very little of those since then. At his 2 month appt, we discussed his tummy troubles keeping him awake and she suggested an elimination trial diet of gluten to see if it helped. I gave it a week and his skin cleared immediately…not something I even would have thought of and he has been much better at his schedule and less inconsolable nights. Coincidence? Who knows. I am too terrified to stop now.

  7. I love you any which way you are- even shingled:)
    You’ll find your way back to you, that personality is too fierce to just disappear:)

  8. I am glad you found the silver lining, but I must say I love your honest posts in general. We just had our second baby this past Sunday and have a 3 year old. As cute as newborns can be, it is not all puppies and rainbows with them when you haven’t slept and are emotionally and physically drained. Your honest posts have made me realize it is okay and that if it continues, it is okay to get help!

    Here’s to a stiff drink or two to making it through October!

  9. I’m terrible about commenting, but I just read this & your “I hate” posts, and I wanted to tell you I’ve been there and am so glad you’re getting help and feeling better. 🙂

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