The Tale of Ole Corn Nose

Mommy merit badges are a thing. I have lots of them.  I’ve got one for picking up poop with my hands. I’ve pumped, fed a baby and ate breakfast at the same time. I’ve pulled 70lbs of kid in a wagon around the neighborhood. I’ve had to take my kid to the dr for worms. My mommy badge sash is filling up quite nicely.

Today I got a new one and it’s a life lesson you need to know.

At 12:30, I get that dreaded caller ID. Daycare. I answer while wincing. “Yes”. Mrs. Dana says “Sooooooo I think we have a first”. Uh oh. “Oliver walked up to us a minute ago and said ‘I have corn in my nose’. And he, indeed, has corn up his nose.”

You have got to be kidding me.

So I head up to daycare to see if we can get it out. I really have no idea what I will do. Time to put on the mommy thinking cap.

I get there and he is perfectly happy and telling me about the corn in his nose. I look and I can see MAYBE a sliver of a kernel. He had it in both sides and I could barely see any. Le sigh. So I call our healthcare center (literally like a couple hundred yards away) and luckily they can see us immediately. I grab him to go.

In the meantime, I contacted The Thread in great motherly fashion with “This kid. I swear to sequins”.  Then Brandee says “wait! My niece did this with a peanut. Let me text my sister!” She comes back with this:

Yup. You are reading that correctly. So as I walk to the car with a corn nosed child in my arms, I’m like “well I mean I have to try, right?” So I told Ollie “Mommy is going to do something silly. I am going to blow in your mouth. Can you do that?” So I tell him to open his mouth and essentially give my child mouth to mouth. It makes a weird gurgle and POOF: a piece of corn shoots out of his right nostril. Then I hold that nostril and do it again. POOF: another. He is cackling. I ask if there is anymore and he says no. I figured healthcare is expecting me and kids lie, so we head up there.

When the dr gets in the room and I tell him what I did, he gives me a high five “That’s exactly what we were going to do”. They checked and sure enough it was all clear. So I recommend storing away this nugget of info in your parenting brain because you never know when you need it.

I swear, y’all, we are so screwed with this second kid.