aka HELL! Call it whatever you want but this seems to be the hands down worst phase for most people (I am still sticking with weeks 5 and 8 but I digress). Most people not clued into the Wonder Weeks know of this time as the 4 month sleep regression and more attachment parents might hear “4 month wakeful”. Same theme among them all: You finally got into the swing of things. You had a schedule (feeding and sleeping) that was working for the most part. Some kids were happily sleeping through the night and then BLAMO…everything is a mess. Your calm baby is fussy. Sleep patterns are all over the place. Doesn’t want to be put down. Up multiple times at night. Finicky eating. Growth spurts. It is pure chaos. And unlike the previous weeks, this one is LONG. I got the leap alarm email when Oliver turned about 14 weeks old…it can start that earlier and keep on trucking.
According to the Wonder Week folks, Mental Leap 4 is all about events. Learning that their actions affect others and they have a bit more control. Mine also seems to be working on rolling over as part of this. He flops around side to side until he gets pissed. Lovely.
Signs:
Trouble Sleeping
Becoming shy with strangers
Demanding more attention
Head may need more support than before
May be clingy
May lose appetite
May be moody
May be less vocal
May be less lively and sucks his thumb or fingers more often than before.
We are there folks. The shitty naps. The unpredictable nights. The thumb chewing like there are teeth but nothing. The grasping with a death grip when you put him down. UGH! I am tired but one thing is helping.
Being a second time mom.
I know it is a phase. I didn’t do something wrong. He will be ok if he cries. I look forward to the development this leap brings. Every day there is something new midst the fussiness. He found his feet. He can hold a toy. He wrestles a large toy if he bear hugs it. He tried to balance sitting up. Found his tongue. Learned a new sound he could make. I swear it is something new EVERY.DAY. So being a second time mom is taking the edge off a bit and not making me QUITE so cray.
First time mom sees a fussy back and goes down the list.
- Is he fed?
- Is he wet/poopy?
- Is he bored?
- Is he tired?
- Is he hot/cold?
- Is he teething?
And you know none of these are right but something isn’t right with your snowflake. You start looking for blame:
- Go to the Dr. expecting an ear infection, cold…hell anything you can blame it on. GIVE ME MEDICINE TO FIX IT.
- Start blaming your supply. He MUST be hungry and I can’t make enough. ( note this is when we started supplementing with formula with L). When in fact these phases are sometimes labeled “growth spurts” but it is more likely the case that they just want comfort in this scary time and boobs are comforting.
- You start thinking you will never sleep again and your life is over and spiral spiral spiral….
Slippery slope of desperation sets in and you start going into survival mode. Swing sleeping, cosleeping, more milk, solids…ANYTHING (not that any of that is bad, it is just sometimes done in hopes to magically fix something). I know, because I was there last time.
I admit I have a little PTSD around this phase. This was the phase that broke me last time. I can hear it in Ollie’s cry now. It is the EXACT same cry that Landon had that horrible night that shattered me. Not blood curdling screams but little sobs…for long periods. Nothing helped. If you went in, it was just worse or you had to nurse him OVER AND OVER. I thought those sobs were him being exhausted from crying and me abandoning him but looking back, I wish I could tell myself it was just normal. I didn’t do anything wrong. He was fine. I have heard that same pattern from Ollie. Some naps are broken up 15 minute cat naps with tossing and turning and little whines. This is also where the beauty of a video monitor comes in. I can see he is trying to go back to sleep. He is just tossing his head back and forth trying to fall back asleep and something mentally is in his way. So we let him cry. He might get worked up but if all the essentials are taken care of, there is nothing more we can do. If we intervene, he loses more sleep and so do we. Nobody wins. Luckily the longest Ollie has gone is about 25 minutes and that was broken up with quite periods.
But I know that step is hard. Making that call to let them cry is REALLY hard and not for everyone. You have to mentally prepare for it and be together as a team. So many nights I look at K and say “I just don’t know what to do.” and we game plan. It makes me feel so much better if he is in the same boat with me. We aren’t blaming each other. We hang onto the boat as we get tossed around in this insane sea of baby.
So if you googled Wonder Week 19 and got here, I’m sorry you are here and I have no magic answer. Just know you are probably right. They are probably in this stage and need to JUST.GET.THROUGH.IT. I am not gonna sugar coat it…it is going to SUCK. You will be tired and cranky. Welcome to parenthood. But know that it will soon be over and you will have a more interactive baby. One that can entertain themselves for longer. One that can pass toys from hand to hand. One that can laugh at you. It is going to be AWESOME…this is a time that “good things come to those who wait” is oh so true. Hang in there.
Related Links:
4 Month Sleep Regression from Ask Moxie
4 Month Sleep Regression from Baby Sleep Site
The 4 Month Wakeful (Breastfed baby theory)
UPDATE (1/27/2012): This has become an insanely popular post…so thanks for that but I wanted to let you know we made it out alive 
. Most likely you are googling sleep regressions or came from a baby board in a moment of desperation. You are sleep deprived and maybe even sick to your stomach. I know your pain. It fucking sucks and I am sorry you are here but soon this will be a distant memory.
Oliver is now 6 months old and a whole new baby. Better sleep, longer wake times and sitting up. It is amazing what 2 months can do. So hang in there. It’s going to get better. I promise. If you want to follow us along on our journey, follow us in the options listed below!
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{ 77 comments… read them below or add one }
I am just entering the hell. In fact halfway through reading this (for the 3rd time) I had to go feed the fussy baby who just woke up at 10… Urgh. But I am also a second time mom and knew this was coming and that we will come out on the other side just fine. At least this time I didn’t decide to travel with him. Alone.
Yeah mine was up at 9
. And holy hell travelling? You poor woman.
As I read this, I was trying to remember what D was like during week 19. It must have been bad because I’ve blocked it out!
Hahahaha
Oy. Hang in there, friend. Babies are so effing unpredictable (even with the help of the WW calendar), I found myself wondering what the hell was wrong just as often with #2 as I did with #1. At least this time you know it gets better. And about when that might start to happen. You got this!
p.s. I will always stand by CIO. We used it with both our girls, and now they sleep like champs. (KNOCK ON WOOD).
Indeed. Also? I miss you. Womp
Oh my gosh I love this! Thank you for posting! This is EXCATLY my baby right now- and it really helps to know it’s normal and others are going through it as well!
You are very welcome. Welcome to hell.
This post was so encouraging. We’ve been having sleep issues with our 4 month old for over a month right now and I just finished reading The No Cry Sleep Solution. I’m terrified of doing CIO but feel like eventually that is what this has to come to. First time mom here, if that wasnt terribly obvious
Again, loved this post.
You are very welcome. I was actually contacted by Elizabeth Pantley (author of The No Cry Sleep Solution) to review her book. Awaiting it’s arrival. I do know of the gist from my first son and I loved it. Great choice.
CIO is tough and I don’t claim that everyone should do it. It takes the right baby and parents. But I can attest to it working for me and other parents. It is like ripping off a bandaid. Good luck. We shall weather this storm!
So glad to see this. We’re going through a 13mth one, complete with molars AND canine teeth coming in. I needed to see this after the night we just had. DH is big into analyzing what we’re doing “wrong,” so I forwarded this to him to remind him there’s not much we can do.
I am sure you are doing great. Sometimes you just hold on. I am not one for saying “this will pass and you will miss it” because that is just plain bullshit. But I can say you might forget it. I recently reread a post I did when Landon was around 18 months. He was screaming at 5 am for weeks. I have NO memory of that. NONE! So I guess that is some consolation? Hang in there. They are so much better by 2 with this ish.
This was a crucial find for me! This is my 2nd child, he is 3. For some reason I don’t remember this phase but i’m sure it happened. My 4 month old is here and I was feeling really discouraged. I was regretting having another child because Ive been so tired and feeling like a failure because I couldn’t get him to sleep well. Reading this is so reassuring! It’s a phase and it to shall pass. But holy cow it’s frustrating. My guy had the flu as well this week so I was so worried about that. I keep thinking he is teething! Why didnt his pediatrician talk to me about this at the 4 month appointment. Especially when i brought up him starting to talj less. I think they all should. Sure would’ve saved me some stress and tears. Probably because they are in a rush to often. Thanks again for the article.
As with any parenting book, I am sure it is hard to keep up with them all as a pediatrician. I mean they see kids from newborns to young adult…i don’t expect them to be hyper focuesd on the new thing in infants. THey probably also don’t tell you in case it doesn’t happen. Why set you up for doom and gloom? My pediatrician always notes developmental things that could be going on and 4-5 months is a typical oral time for babies so they “teeth”(not cutting…just gnawing). This happened with my 3 year old around the same time. Flash back central. Just hang on and try not to develop any more habits during it…though I know it is hard. God speed.
Question: I haven’t read the book but will now. I’m wondering if there are tips on what I should do during these phases. Do I do anything to get them to calm down and sleep or should I be sleep training? Do I not worry about schedules and eating habits?
YES. They talk about activities to do with them to help them acquire the skill and not get so frustrated. To me, I could tell when this phase was over. He didn’t go to sleepign through the night but the need to be held constantly and the cries changed. We are now working on a little bit of sleep training post wonder week. All I can say is use your own gut for it. If you try training one night and it is horrific and you can’t take it, then wait. Last thing you want to do is feel guilty on top of tired.
My lo is 14.5 weeks and is doing everything you talked about. How long will this last? It’s been three days and I’m dying!
Sadly I can’t tell you that. They are all different. Some say this is the worst and that is lasts weeks. Our worst was maybe 5 days…but then he has never been a fantastic sleeper at night yet. Still a work in progress. Hang in there.
With my first it was 4-6 months. Two months. I thought I was going to die. But part of his was teething (he cut two teeth month 5) so that may have prolonged things.
To give you hope, at 6 months he started sleeping through the night and somewhere around 7/8 months slept 7/7 with two, two hour naps. So keep on keeping on.
We are right there. Night sleep is much better and he also has about 2 2 hour naps. Woot!
Thank you for all the great info! My daughter and grandson live at home with us. This is her first baby and its been way too long for me to remember. Everything that has been described is what we’re experiencing with him. Great to know its a phase. Because he went from being the happiest, peaceful angel to demanding, cranky, and nothing seeming to sooth him. Thank you!
Oh this comment made my day. THANK YOU FROM ALL NEW MOMS. A mother who is looking to HELP and not just telling her what you did…it seems rare for some folks. Yes, it’s a phase but still a tough one. It is just good to remind her it gets better. SO MUCH BETTER (you know this
). Thank you, again!
We are entering this… my sweet girl is 16 weeks, 1 day… she’ll be 4 months on Feb 6th… her usually long naps today (at least one that is 2 to 3 hours) were just under 1 hour, 1 hour, and (EEK) 25 minutes… and her first “stretch” of night sleep (usually 3 hours) was 35 minutes… GAH! Thanks for your post! I’m a 2nd time Mom – my firstborn didn’t really sleep until almost 7 months, so this is a bit new to me to have a baby with a regular rhythm… I had heard of the 4 month regression and Wonder Week 19… but my firstborn had health issues and cried through his first 4 months, so any regression or change we didn’t notice because he slept like that from the beginning. I look forward to the 6 month mark, though with baby #2!
Everything you say is true. I’m this with my second and while we started out okay and doing the cry thing he was just so angry and something wasn’t right. No fever, no runny nose no nothing but his extended family said it was an ear infection. So I took him, expecting to be told I was crazy.
Nope. He had an ear infection.
So trust your mama guts ladies, and if the crying doesn’t sound right, if it just doesn’t feel right … take him to the doctor. And through this phase I say let them nap in anything that will help them sleep because the fatigue is part of what makes this phase so hard, and they really do need all the sleep they can get.
Yup. Trust your gut. I had the exact same thing happen here( http://www.mannlymama.com/2013/01/a-journey-in-sleep-training/). His cry was different and I knew something was wrong. Then last weekend he screamed when I touched his ear and made it to ped hours 30 mins before close to find raging double ear infection. GOD BLESS MAMA INTUITION!
thanks for this post! i was sitting at my laptop bawling because my girl (my first) has been in her bed for over an hour and hasn’t slept yet (naps right now are horrible as are nights) she is about 17 weeks and we’ve been going through this since about week 14 as well some days i’m okay, but other days i swear it breaks me. thanks for reassurance that it will be okay.
You got this, mama. Babies are hard. Not enough people spew that knowledge. It ain’t rainbows and fucking unicorns…it’s poop and tears. But fear not…just like the internet phenomenon…it gets better. SO MUCH BETTER.
P.S. Letting her cry in her bed is just fine. She will be fine. You need a break. You deserve one. Don’t let anyone tell you different. If they do, send em to me. I’ll take care of it
thanks brandy! we have been letting ger cio the past week. she is as stubborn as a mule, but is finally getting the hang of it sometimes. other times she still screams her “i know you’re out there damn it! now come and pick me up!” cry. thanks again!
Your second time mom checklist is spot on with how my brain has been spinning over the past week! Glad to see you made it out alive!
This post has been heaven sent for me. My son, now 4mo and 1week, has always been great for sleeping and eating. We finally got a pretty defined schedule down, and out of NO where he has been so hard to feed and last night he cried for four hours straight. Four. Straight. Hours. I think I was as hysterical as he was. Did not get him asleep until midnight, and he just woke up bright and early at 5am. This is my first baby, so I was googling everything from ear infection to low supply and everything in between. I’m a single parent, so it helps so much to know this will pass…
aggghhh!! just trying to remind myself this is a phase after a particularly long night and my husband asking me why she doesnt seem like she can entertain herself and always wants to be held, and why we are back to waking every 1.5hr and wanting to nurse…i just keep saying its just a phase, but its hard to remember when your in it.Older daughter has bad sleep habits and my husband is worried that this one will too but its just a phase…its JUST A PHASE…
I can’t tell you how happy I am to read this as my 19 week old daughter fits this description perfectly – everything was going well, she was sleeping through the night, and then 14 weeks came and out went the good sleeping patterns (only ever does 40 mins at a time during day), multiple wake ups (sometimes hourly) during the night for no apparent reason (not hungry, not cold, not dirty!) and became very fussy with feeding! We are now 5 weeks down the road and whilst the feeding has improved, the sleeping is not there yet (some nights she’ll sleep through, others she will wake a million time – completely inconsistent) which makes me fear that her behavior no longer applies to this stage and something else is going on? What does it sound like to you? Should it have gone on this long? Perhaps I need to get rid of her dummy as the only last possibility (apart from sleep regression stage)? This is my second child but I don’t remember ever going through this with him and thus have no confidence what I am going through with my daughter is a “stage”
Look forward to our response
I saw you are still in it. Keep strong. You may have introduced a habit but it’s ok…you just have to survive. Best “advice” I try and remember in the dark times is “takes 3 days to make a habit. Takes 3 days to break one” So if you get out of this phase and she has a sleep crutch? You will survive. And then you will look back and go “huh…that was nothing”. Sleep deprivation is the worst thing for a mind. I am sure of it. Hang in there. I know this answer isn’t what you wanted but I think you will be just fine and haven’t created a monster
Hi I am mummy to a 20 week old girl. She is bottle fed due to BF issues. She had slept 7-7 bar the occasional night from 12 wks. 2 weeks ago she had a cold which certainly for 3/4 nights was waking her up and mostly she just needed a cuddle and would settle but maybe once a night she had a small feed. We then had 1 night of 7-7 again.
However from her being 19 wk (last 11 nights) she has woken once or twice a night and wanted a feed. This seems to have then put her off her first morning feed so then I am concerned that of course she is hungry at night. From reading the posts I am not sure if a) I have created a habit or b) she is genuinely hungry. If so I wanted to wait until 6 months to wean but do I start early.
Do I need to try cold turkey and refuse to feed her in the night? She also goes down into her cot awake and is good a self settling. I have essentially followed the baby whisperer but no dream feed so I have never done crying down but also don’t use me bottle or any other props.
My main question is do I just feed her and hope she’ll eventually just go back to sleeping through or do I need to try and force it.
Thanks for any help
Thank you for this post. I am a mother of 3 and my first two never went through any sleep regressions. But I am in the middle of one right now with #3. It is nice to know that this is a normal thing.
I googled a little something I have heard about called 4 month sleep regression because my little man, who happens to be be 19 weeks today, has not been his usual self the last 3 days. He is normally easy going and sleeps 10 hours though the night no problem….well up until 3 days ago. Suddenly it’s new noises everyday, a little temper I have yet to see, waking frequently through the night and he is so close to rolling all the way over. Looks like I might be in for a wild ride for and undetermined number of weeks. But thanks to you, I am laughing my ass now and and going to take this on with a really good sense of humor, thank you. Wish me luck!!
Thank you for this. My little girl used to be an awesome sleeper, feeding just once in the night. Then came teething and now total lack of sleep unless she has just fed and is still in my arms. I was dealing with it now too bad, propping us up so I could nap very lightly too without danger if dropping her, but now her constant demands for comfort feeding have turner into a really horrific case of mastitis and suddenly I’m not coping. My whole body is in pain so that I’m in agony just holding her, my fever is so bad I can’t stop shaking. I adore her but this is too much for me to bear.
Just got to the computer and found the post my wife has been reading…
I’ve gotta say… even as a Dad I love this post… and the comments…
Just one question… anyone out there have any advice about how to take care of a cranky baby and a cranky Mom?
Hang-on… this post is anonymous right?
*glances around furtively*
BEST COMMENT NAME EVER! I really should change my tagline to be “kids can be assholes”. I think it encompasses the culture here. It’s ok to say shit sucks and your kid is pissing you off. You are still a wonderful parent…you are just realistic. Parenthood isn’t all christmas cookies and hugs. It’s dirty diapers, temper tantrums, getting slapped in the face and, most of all, sleep deprivation.
And how to take care of a cranky mom and baby? Strap said baby on you with a carrier (btw, dads in carriers are panty droppers). Go to the grocery store/target/costco and do the shopping while the baby is put to sleep by your walking. Let mom stay home and sleep, knit, watch netflix…basically WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE WANTS. You are seen as a hero (to her and her friends), she got some non-baby time and groceries for the house. You get a happier wife, bonding with the baby and even a workout. You might even get some action out of it if you play your cards right. This is the new mom’s “flowers”. Time to herself. DO IT.
Another Dad (2nd time). This blog is so true it made me and my wife cry with laughter and despair at the same time. But like you say, soon it will be OK.
You my dear lady just saved me from
a) trying formula
b) going to Tresillian
c) controlled crying
d) pumping for an extra 20 Minutes after each feed
E) sobbing into my very unused pillow
2 weeks this has been going on, I’ve been co sleeping, feeding constantly to no avail, having him turn away from my breast, pumping furiously during the day to make a bottle as I was sure my supply dropped.
I had decided that it was all my fault, I had failed as a mother and couldn’t stop my child’s pain. I feel so relieved that I not only have something else to blame but also that I didn’t create this sooky, fussy, napping, grazing child who can be considered a glorified nipple tassel at the moment.
Thank you for your humorous dissection of a horrible faze! I’ll sleep a little easier, for the next 45 minutes anyway, knowing it’ll be over soon xxxxxxx
The nipple tassel comment? Awesome!
Hang in there. It gets better…then another regression hits (in one now) but it still isn’t as bad as that one.
Allow me to preface this post by saying: Yes, I know how incredibly LUCKY I am to have been blessed with a naturally good sleeper. I am totally not complaining here as I know I’ve no right to! Just tyring to understand the ins and outs of baby sleep cycles so I can be prepared for what is ahead.
I think I am on Day 4 of this blessed event… My 16 week old started sleeping 7 hours/night at 3 weeks old and each week has tacked on more and more time. *(I exclusively pumped from 3-12 weeks, so he didn’t wake to nurse after those first few weeks)* He had been sleeping soundly for up to 10 hours, but for the past 3 nights he woke many, many times. Happy as could be, not a cry or whimper, just wanted to partyyyyy! I found it odd because he hadn’t experienced any changes in very predictable schedule and seemed to be feeling perfectly fine. I couldn’t for the life of me understand why my “perfect sleeper” started to change so suddenly. I googled “4 month old sleep regression” and wound up here. Thank you for your frank and experienced insight. It’s hard to remember that babies go through phases and resist jumping to the thoguht that “something must be wrong”. Hoping he sleeps a little better tonight!
This post describes to a T my LO the past two weeks. And after last night (aka: the night from hell) I really needed to hear this. Thank you so much!
Does anyone have experience in dealing with this and being a full-time working mom? My little dude will be 14 weeks old tomorrow and, while I haven’t seen any major changes with him yet, I am trying to anticipate what could happen in the future. I am mostly worried about during the day when he is with the babysitter. I don’t want the little guy to be too much for her to handle (a family friend is watching him as a HUGE favor for us). During his 8 week growth spurt, he couldn’t be put down at all & I know that the babysitter won’t be able to put everything on hold to just snuggle with him the way I did during that time. I am also feeling pretty terrible that I won’t be able to be there with him throughout the day to help him through this time.
Welp you are in luck. I am a full time working mom! This is going to be the beginning of your journey in childcare. I can’t tell you it is going to be easy because I have no idea. I can say you need to realize you are doing what is best for him (I’m sure) and not everyone can always win. There is always sacrifice but it isnt’ a bad thing. A fussy week or two is so trivial in the grand scheme.Don’t stress before there is anything to even stress about! It will work out whether he has a rough wonder week(s) or not. It is part of being a baby and learning to grow up.
Now speaking from the mom of mama’s boys, being away from you might be a little better. My boys are different when I am not around. There is a lot more whining and clingy on me vs my husband and caregivers. My daycare teachers didn’t note anything much different in those rough weeks honestly. They are constantly going to be learning from each other in that first year. IT is always a moving target. Next it will be solids, then crawling, then walking…etc. Not to mention teeth, sickness, just general bad days…they are growing varmits! Moral of the story, try to let go of some control. Trust me, I KNOW it is hard but totally worth it. Check out this post from my counterparts at http://www.liberatingworkingmoms.com. Maybe this will help http://liberatingworkingmoms.com/2013/03/18/trying-and-failing-to-control-everything-and-how-it-led-to-happiness/
WOW!! thank you thank you!
I am so happy I came across this…a REAL perspective not just facts piled together .. that I am too tired to understand.
I am on week 3… and I was starting to feel like a crazy person – What the hell was I doing wrong. She has been up every two hours.. every hour… sometimes more… . everyday I was online trying to find a magic cure. I was also at the doctors…begging for an answer.. (That morning I made my tassimo coffee without putting my mug under …twice…. and on the way I took the wrong street .. and missed my exit on the hwy,.lol) This started with our LO right after she turned 3 months… well she is almost 4 months now and I think it has lasted long enough lol…(I will add that she has learnt so many new skills during this)
Last night was our first night of CIO.. it went so much better than i imagined. Still waking up about every 2 hours but I think if we stick to this there may be light at the end of the devil child tunnel.
Thank you x 1000.
you are very welcome. I am happy this is helping so many new moms. My new motto is “ife is better than the shitty things that happen to us.” It will get better…and better…and better. And then she will turn 3 and you’ll be back wondering what demon took over her body
YAY MOTHERHOOD
Thank you thank you thank you! I am a 4th time mom and I remember that each kid went through this phase, but have NO recollection of it…which means it must have been HORRIBLE! Reading this made me relax and reminded me that it didn’t last forever with any of my other children, and it won’t with this one either. In fact, my other 3 are all very good sleepers now. I will persevere!
THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!
Best birthday present ever…ok, maybe not as cool as that trip to Jamaica when I was 22, but CLOSE! I have twin boys and unfortunately for us, or fortunately, or neither (I am sleep deprived pardon my babbling, one of them is well in the weeds of his sleep regression and the other is just starting. It is just so darn nice to see someone went through this and survived.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Hi there,
I have stumbbled across your page after googling all day and being at my wits end with my baby girl #2 who is 4.5 months….. I thought i was doing everything right with this one as i had experience with a bad sleeper in #1!!!! Well…. hasn’t this one prooved me wrong!!!! She was sleeping reasonably well, still waking twice a night but fed and back to sleep, now its every 2-3 hours and she’s awake and smiling and shorely can’t be hungry??? I knew she was going through a wonder week but i don’t remember it with my first and my gosh, this is a long one….. Im just about ready to pull my hair out, trying to function on little sleep with a 2.5 year and a grumpy husband too!!! oh gosh i hope this finishes soon…. nice to know others are going through the same though. I just hope it is the wonder week and not what my baby girl is going to be like for the next 12 months!! good luck to you all and hope you get some sleep xx
I’m sure it is a phase. My first was a rough sleeper too. Didn’t STTN until 9 months. Ollie did around 6. It helps that you have been through it once before but when they are that tiny age, it is all nature, man. Hang in there
so, this is the third one for me, and I still feel like a first time mom during these. obviously googled “4 month sleep regression” and WOOHOO… here you are with a little piece of sanity for me…. like a small ray of light at the end of a tunnel that I KNOW will end, yet it never feels like it will when you are deep in the mix.
so, thank you for posting this. it is exactly what i am going through word for word. and no matter how many times i rock this screaming little baby at night while giving the finger to the moon, I am reminded by your posts how excited i STILL get when they find their feet, or blow spend the afternoon blowing raspberries, or grab something out of my hand.
Thanks for this. You’re quite right, I did find you through Googling sleep regression (a phrase I had never heard of until yesterday).
Our little fella (16 weeks, 5 days) had got into a rhythm of zonking out around 7 pm and sleeping through until 12-1 in the morning, at which time my wife would nurse him. And then the intervals shortened. And then…yesterday…4. WHOLE. HOURS. OF. SCREAMING. in the afternoon (I work from home). No work for me, all appointments cancelled, it’s a wonder the police didn’t come. And, on top of that, he wouldn’t go to sleep in the evening. And things just got worse. Tonight, it was the same. We had got back into our old routine of playing a game or watching a DVD in the evening and enjoying each other’s company whilst Sunshine zzz’d upstairs. That’s gone. My wife lost it earlier on and said “I’ve had enough – go and sit in the rocker with Dad.” Uh huh. I said that this is a phase but, poor lady, she’s the one who has to nurse him. She’s said that if this lasts multiple weeks, she’ll go out of her mind. I’m trying to keep things calm, and it’s very, very, VERY reassuring to read all these posts and the blog about this. Still, it’s one thing to read and quite another to have to put up with screams where there used to be peace.
Yes, I know that this is cognitive development (indeed, that was my thought before we went to the docs, who said “Oh he’s hungry, put him onto solids.” (at under 4 months…c’mon!!!) – the vaccinations yesterday didn’t help, methinks…), but it is trying and I know things will be cool and fun and amazing afterwards. But the thought that we’re back to the days of January/February, of little sleep, of a moody mama… Oh joy. I’m running out of treat ideas too!!!
First off, SWOON. A husband looking to help his wife out. Hugs to you, my good sir. Second, it’s gonna SUCK. Do you have a baby carrier? I recommend strapping her onto you. You can do a lot while she is snuggled and happy. she can snooze. You aren’t going to spoil her and it will be fine. You just have to weather the storm. Also? Good for you guys for taking that evening time for YOU. It is a great thing to remember in the coming years. The earlier you prioritize it, the better. Good luck and happy thoughts from the states
Yup, we do. It’s interesting that a friend of mine, who I visited today for the first time in a while suggested the SAME thing. Carry him around (over here in Germany, the brand is a Manduca, but it’s the same). As (finally) the warm weather has arrived, I was out in the garden earlier and I think, if the weather is the same tomorrow, I’m gonna get the awning out and then put him out on his rocker while I’m out weeding our little patch o’ land.
Re time for us, we wanted to play a card game this evening (something we’d been waiting for and which arrived today) and then, halfway through, Sir bawled from upstairs, so we brought him down. And that was it. We had to break off and declare a tie. *sigh* So much for peace and quiet. If I could only give my wife a concrete answer of how LONG this will last, that would help.
Best wishes back from a Brit in southern Germany!
oh my, it would be SO nice to be sharing this sleep issue WITH someone – great job dad! my husband offers a night feed here or there but would look at me as if I had 7 heads if I said “wonder week…sleep regression…etc.”
it’ll get better. we are at 19 weeks this week, had a rough past 3 weeks but are back down to 7pm bed…bottle somewhere between 12-2 and then wake up around 645 (with a 5 minute cry session somewhere between 4-6)
is a boy thing?? my two little girls were 12 hour sleepers by 3 months! everyone else I talk to says their boys have a really tough time with these milestones/regressions and/or with sleep in general!
Oh goodness, REALLY? That is where we were. 7-12/1 and then up to the little fella buzzing around at 6 am (couldn’t get mad at him, he’s just so cute). So 3 weeks-ish?
Thank you for writing this!!!
As a second time mom myself, I’ve been telling myself ‘this too shall pass’ but my voice is getting smaller and smaller as I get more exhausted and sleep deprived!
She’s 14 weeks old now. Till she was 12 weeks old, she was a little angel. Everything was going great and she even had her own little schedule – which included sleeping a 9 hour stretch at night from since she turned 8 weeks old! Now for the last 2 weeks, I don’t know if someone’s swapped my little girl for another baby.
Daytime naps are only 45 min stretches – she used to take 2-3 hour naps! Nighttime feeds are frequent – some nights 2 feeds, some nights up to four! She seems tired and sleep deprived herself with puffy eyes and frequent yawning. I hardly get a break between her and my older girl (3.5yrs) who is home all day because of a break at school. DH says ‘sleep while the baby sleeps’. Yeah right!
I am so exhausted but CIO isn’t an option because all of us sleep in one bedroom and my LO crying will wake my ODD for sure
can’t manage TWO sleep deprived kids! I do try to let her settle back down during daytime naps, but somehow feel like I am being inconsistent with her by doing it sometimes and not doing it when I don’t want to. Poor thing must be confused. She’s so easily distracted now, she’s flipping over from her tummy to her back and is trying to turn over the other way too and she’s even attempting to sit up. In the midst of these advancements, I was amazed that her head suddenly seems unsteady again! This post was such an eye-opener. I’m off to read it again. Thanks so much for writing this. And for now, I’ll keep telling myself ‘this too shall pass’.
You all sleep in the same room? Oh bless you. I even stopped turning on the sound on Ollie’s monitor because rolling over noises just made my anxiety skyrocket. Tough stuff.
Hang in there. Reading the comments now (5 months out) it is hard to even remember it. CRAZY MOMNESIA!
and for a little added rant…here are my thoughts on “sleep when the baby sleeps” http://www.mannlymama.com/2012/11/sleep-when-the-baby-sleeps/
Finally! A realistic blog on what I’m going through….day 3 of hell! This getting up every 2-3 hours and everything that goes with it is doing my head.
I cracked tonight. Bawled my eyes out and started resenting A.
Thanks for giving a realistic account of what really happens and for giving me back my peace of mind. No longer will we have to say I hope its just a phase she’s going through…it is a phase!
Btw, I’ve got the wonder weeks app and all the say happens but they don’t tell you how it can really get!
I think they shy away from “how bad” because it’s different for everyone. Not everyone goes through it. Lucky bastards.
Thank you so very much for this post!! My daughter is doing all the things you mention, and even though I am a second time mom, it is nice to have some reassurance! I am sitting up watching her on the baby monitor right now….Cheers to more restful nights ahead!
Can I just say THANK YOU. I read this post at exactly the right time, I think. My 2nd daughter has just kicked into this wonder week/sleep regression/hell time and you’re right… it passes! I just needed to be reminded of that
I would also like to thank you for this post, and also that I see many others that are going through this too! It is reassuring that it will pass. You describe everything that is happening to my 15 week old perfectly!
I am in the thick of this hellnightmare and I literally have to read this post daily in order to convinc myself there is a lght at the end of the tunnel, that I'm not suck in grondhog day the movie. ..I thi k its going on week four…it could be six I have no idea anymore. Sleep. I. Miss. You.
I’m with you! I’ve been coming back to this post often and I can’t remember where I am – week 4…5…6? I’m selfishly a little glad someone else is experiencing this prolonged torture experiment as well. And I JUST SAID to my husband that I feel like this is a sucky, sucky version of Groundhog’s Day!
Your day will come lol! Apparently, your next baby is a boy and very wise…he will know that he should just sleep lol- Nigel gave him a book!
Like everyone else, all I can say is thank you. I read your post. And then I read it again. And again. And downloaded the Wonder Weeks app (which says 4 more days till the leap is over, and not a moment too soon.) This is the third week of the hell for us. My son comes with me to work and he’s been amazingly good until now … But last week I found myself at the breaking point when he wouldn’t nap and just cried ALL DAY. Suddenly I was the crazy mom hissing in his ear, “if you don’t stop, you’re gonna have to go to daycare!!!” And crying myself at the thought…
Now I can see a glimmer of light though. Like you said, he found his feet. Adorable. And he rolled over for the first time tonight. Amazing. The developments are coming fast and furious now, so I’m just riding it out. But thank you thank you thank you for the reassurance you gave this first-time mom. Nothing I’ve read has been more honest, or more helpful.
Glad I could help but I guess it makes me sad that daycare seems to awful to you. I just wrote this post for Liberating Working Moms( http://liberatingworkingmoms.com/2013/05/16/why-daycare-is-more-than-ok/) about daycare and how I enjoyed it as a kid so so much. I take my experiences forward and see what they learn and the love they receive by their “village”. Hope this can help with that guilt.
Brandy, I don’t think daycare is awful. I’m just not quite ready to give him up, even for part if the day yet! I think like you said, it will be great socialization for him and I’m excited that he’ll make friends from an early age. I’m just a first-time mom having trouble letting go. But thanks for turning me on to the Liberating Working Moms site. It’s helping me tons!
Can anyone tell me how long this is supposed to last.. or how long it could last? I’m in week 4-ish, and we’re now fighting naps, bedtime, and night wakeups. I feel like crying most days from sleep deprivation. We’re at 5.5 months – shouldn’t it be getting better?!! I love this little guy, but this is ridiculous!
I don’t think anyone has a formula for this. I say look for them being on the edge of doing something major. Like we recently went through the 8 month regression and it was AWFUL until he crawled. Like a totally new baby.
All that said, take them to the pediatrician if you feel like something is really wrong. If anything, it is piece of mind. Hang in there.
So basically instead of saying there was nothing you could do and leaving your baby to cry for 25 minutes, why didn't you try settling him? I can't believe that you said leaving babies to cry is not for everyone – thank God it's not, cause I personally think it's a form of child abuse. Leaving your children to cry themselves to sleep causes permanent emotional damage and the only reason they stop is coz they realise that no one is coming and no one cares. My baby has just gone through this stage and yes his sleep was all over the place but not for a single second did I leave him on his own because that is SIMPLY.WRONG.
Well good for you. Let me know what we all look like up there on your pedestal of motherhood. I hear the judging is fantastic at that height.
and to clarify, I give this advice in the face of post partum depression. A mother’s mental health is just as important in these challenging phases. If you need a break, it is ok to put them down a get your shit together. If you want to argue that, you get your martyr badge for motherhood. New momhood is learning a lot about taking care of a kid AND self care. You aren’t a bad mom for thinking of your self. You are a better mom.
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